Soo what's the difference between ox chat and a private relay for ur dms? Added both and on ox it's saying not gift wrapped so I'm guessing security might be better in ox chat? Given the other person also sets up the private relay and or ox chat 🤔 #asknostr #oxchat #relays #privacy

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It depends on the client. When you direct message with NIP-17 it is well encrypted and should not leak metadata.

But could be OS chat is better for groupchats.

How would I know if that nip is implemented on my clients?

In general by reading what nips they implement. And for example in Amethyst android client, you can activate private messages down left with an inkognito man. When the other person does not use a client with NIP-17 implemented, she will not be able to read the message.