Honestly you're putting words in my mouth. 99% of my bitcoin is in cold-storage onchain. I use liquid as a tool to stay nimble with my monthly expenses, swaps to lightning, and building a balance before moving to savings. I always mention being cognizant of the fact that any custodial solution is not the same as on-chain bitcoin.
I can attribute the same harsh criticisms to your promotion of anything that doesn't involve direct self custody.
Cashu? By your metrics: shitcoin IOU
Alby? By your metrics: shitcoin IOU
If you're an on-chain purist then at least you're being consistent, but don't preach to me for using a solution with tradeoffs when you yourself are doing the EXACT SAME THING with a different flavor. Honestly you need to pull your head out of your ass.