Yea both really don’t gel with each other.
I get both sides though, mostly wifey but sucks to see mama sad / upset too.
Her father and family is chill and no complaints on that side from me.
Discussion
Ya, the root of the conflict needs to be identified first, then it needs to be sought whether it's addressable, than there needs to be expectations, and boundaries out in place and measures if those are violated.
For example, if it's fixed attributes like cultural difference than those are likely regi8d and not changing unless someone unfortunately assimilates, but if it's interpersonal that's more workable and just needs more reflection and reflexive work one other side.
This sounds more suitable for a discord consult. I can see how complex it can get. I'm happy to help.