How do I turn Etherium into Sats?

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You have many options.

…unless it’s staked.

Use some no KYC exchange and switch to BTC, send to your own wallet.

Right. How do I switch it to BTC?

How much do you know? How you get your ETH? are you ok using exchanges with KYC? A list of no kyc place to get BTC https://kycnot.me/