A lot of the stuff I'm self-conscious about turns out to be what he finds most appealing because I'm the only one he sees with that trait and the other women simply bore him.
I don't think it's even necessarily that he thinks the one is better than the other, he just likes exotic, unusual things.
All really interesting ideas. I think it can be summarized as:
1) Novelty can implyl attractiveness. Signaling being open to novelty may be a hope to proxy being novel (hence the "never wear any makeup", "cut your hair short")
2) The process of romance elucidates that the overtness of being so far on the pendulum swing is not actually representative of reality. Referring to point 1 hints that its actually virtue signalling is an attempt to appear novel to the other party.
Yeah, point 1 is a really big deal.
You're showing a willingness to go-against-the-herd, even to your own detriment. It's a subconscious test.
But, after a couple of decades, you've long passed that test and now you risk being too boring.
Some guys claim that they don't mind that she looks boring, but that's a 🚩 for a husband who's prone to oggling the babysitter.
