spent the last 2 days straight in bed - waking up mostly to eat, use the bathroom and jerk off, then back to bed

trying to figure some things out but my brain keeps dodging the subject by going to sleep

that's my brain's self defense mechanism - whenever dark thoughts take over it goes to sleep - it usually works well, but ...

the problem arises when i NEED to think those thoughts. this is when i end up spending days in bed, like now.

of course i could simply put those thoughts aside at any moment and distract myself with something else but i don't want to be like a woman who never faces obvious problems and simply gets hysterical when confronted about her actions

if you're going to face some issue you want to do it on your own terms. you don't want to wait until somebody else brings it up, because then you will be fighting on two fronts - the problem, and the person who brought it up. at that point a meltdown will be certain and you will utterly embarrass yourself or worse - do something really dumb.

which is another way of saying that after i am done jerking off i will probably be going back to bed even though i have been there for like over 30 hours already ...

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