so far I only have problems with DMs and notifications. I keep reading all of them but every time I come back to any client, I always get the same notifications and DMs as if I've never read them before

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So even the same client you were using last time? Or only when switching from one to another? I know a lot of other people have a lot of problems switching clients, losing follows etc.

even if I use snort, click to mark all as read, and come back later to it, it notifies me again

Which client do you use?

snort on web and amethyst on android, amethyst works the best but every other web client I tried, snort, nostrgram, they all notify me again of old notifications

They are not synced across different clients but Iris does that within Iris clients if you allow it to write the timestamp events: https://docs.iris.to/features/advanced#timestamps

I guess it has to be solved by separate NIPs. I think DM is more important and more uniform across clients, so I believe that should be solved first.