Gurwinder Bhogal talks about something he calls Deferred Happiness Syndrome

the feeling that your life has not yet begun, and that this current moment is just a prelude to a brighter, better future you're working towards

"This idyll is a mirage that'll fade as you approach, revealing that the prelude you rushed through was in fact the one to your death.”

to say i think about this a lot is an understatement