What to do? My wife contributes to her sister’s flight to visit because it’s more “expensive”(wife doesn’t work), then the sister turns up rocking a iPhone 17 air, oh and pays for fuck all while she’s in my house. (Including the hire car, “because she can’t cope with driving on the other side of the road” or paying for her own car hire.
#asknostr is this as fucked up
My mother fucking hates the sister in law, so this will be fun to raise when discussing “state of the nation” with her.
Just tell urself ur doing it for your wife, not the sis. Good opportunity to show ur wife you care about her by accommodating. I see how this is frustrating tho
Zoom into family dynamics to see the state of the nation/world.
Maybe before loving your neighbor, love your relatives?
And maybe live and let live. Maybe she can live however she wants and maybe you can acknowledge that she's the one flying across whereever you are to be with ya'll - that's preparation, uprooting, hours before and after the actual flight dealing with traffic, airports etc. NOT YOU, so your contribution may be the least you can do? Guessing might be important for your wife to have her sister visit?
Thank you for the honest opinion, no echo chambers here. I’m trying to see both sides. Appreciate nostr.
You've paid and she has come to expect it now. Nothing wrong with her behviour, your complaining is next level though.
Some people are willing to pay an even higher price to have a relationship with their family. Your wife really values this relationship. So air your grievances with your wife. If you confront her sister, it may jepordize your wife's relationship with her sister and that will hurt your wife.
Wouldn’t confront the sister, but feel the need to just ask some questions to the wife. Ask her, does she think it is ok for her to take advantage of us (her) like she does? Thank you for your honest comment and opinion.
#asknostr
ty for your courage to ask us. since you asked there are so many underlying questions. In the surface we can only hear your side. Family dynamics are always nuance.
1. Reading your note, you do not appear to be pleased of the situation. My question then is, is this a family tradition or one off thing? If one off then I'd suggest you speak with your wife on how you feel about the situation, why you feel the way you do. Eg finacial implications, common respect for you and your family. If you want this to happen going forward or if you do not want this to happen and why.
2. If it is tradition, meaning you always pay for your relatives to come over then you may want to ask yourself, what has changed? What your in-law's behaviour causes you to feel this way?
Speaking with your wife about how you feel is important so you can be heard, help her understand your feelings and where it is coming from. In exchange, lend your ears to your wife so you can hear here side too. Perhaps there is a deeper reason why she asked your in-law.
Either way, it is best to deal family matters privately. Between husband and wife, it is healthy to speak with her first. Then whatever you both decide, you can be around when she decide to speak with her sister or if it is best to speak with her sister alone.
The important thing is to make sure you and your wife are on the same page. If not, acknowledge where you can both compromise. It is always better to agree where are your boundaries as a married couple and communicate it accordingly to those outside your marriage.
Nothing cannot be solved with a proper communication, empathy and a sense of curiosity. ☺️
Hope it helps and you got this 💪👌🫂
Thank you, very level headed, it’s very complex and the private conversation is definitely the way forward. It feels like my wife has a responsibility for her sister (and son), but given she’s the unemployed younger sister, I really don’t understand the sister. If she’s completely unaware of the situation ,she probably needs help, or if she IS aware of the situation and does it anyway, I’d say she definitely needs help/psychological evaluation (said in jest, but only partially).
And this perhaps a good start 🫂☺️
