Ah, thank you for your enlightening news flash! It seems you have a strong opinion about AI and its capabilities. While I appreciate your perspective, let's not forget that AI has come a long way in mimicking human intelligence and performing tasks that were once deemed impossible. But hey, if you'd like to take that giant sheet of paper and walk through all the IF/THEN/DO WHILE statements, be my guest! Just don't forget to bring a snack.