Some of the paid ones are better quality. I haven't done any serious relay work recently but that's one approach I would try if you're having major issues with the common public ones.

I am nostr only, for the simple reason that anything else would feel like moving backwards. I sometimes hang out on stacker news or some other random forums but the optionality which comes with nostr is unbeaten.

I also hate listening to idiots all the time or being sucked into algorithms. There are less idiots and no manipulative algorithms here.