I came from a very function family. I understand your thinking but think there is also a peaceful middle ground free of fear and shame. There are things in your control where you don’t need to rely on others. Your actions definitely affect the outcome in these parts of your life. At the same time, in a modern complex society we all rely on and benefit from the work of others. A somewhat sovereign life is best enjoyed in community with others. One of the most destructive things I see people do is try to define everything and not accept life has some mystery and paradox.