so, reading more genesis this evening

i'm up to the story of Joseph and further history of Jacob and Esau (Edom)

and how the brothers hate him because the father favors him... seems like a pattern here...

there is one really bizarre part in this part of Genesis where randomly some two children of someone get slayed by the Lord no context or reason exactly

and another part where some dude hires a woman who is first cousin who for whatever reason dresses up as a whore and her brothers don't know and all this

"came in unto her" stuff is so bawdy i'm finding the whole sequence amusing at this point

of course i can now sorta see how Joseph was not a piece of trash, and Reuben was ... well, crafty in defending his brother from murder

but man how thin the line is of not completely despicable characters one after the other

and it's also been interesting considering how my own experience of this world, how much the most vile seem to dominate everything

it caused me to need to pray, and i was reading it out loud because i should exercise my voice, in any case, instead of only my fingers when i express myself, and my main request for tonight was this:

to somehow be part of that part of this vile species that is full of predators that seem to either be feeding or blithely standing by while others feed upon them, to actually bring something good to this story and not just be another bit part, but i don't need to be famous, in fact it seems to me like at any given point so far in the story that it was always the low and disregarded that were worth anything

so, yeah, may i be disregarded, that is my prayer for tonight, and that all the good people also be disregarded, and in the long arc of history, be the ones who kept the thread and held to the truth and were able to avoid being minced by the evils

to be honest, it was quite funny reading it out loud, some of it made me actually laugh

it made me wonder a lot, but i guess i need to continue, and for tonight, just remarking upon the amazing strange stuff i just read that i never really understood before but now is starting to become clearer