Jacob was being a weak ass pussy to his sons, not standing up to them. It is a disgusting chapter, I agree. Firstly, it says in verse 2 that Schechem was the prince, and his father had significant influence over the people. It also said the agreement to circumcise was made by the Jacob's sons and it was done deceitfully (Gen 34:13) and it was all a ruse. The Hivites also were motivated to circumcise themselves for financial reasons (verse 23) so their reasoning wasn't exactly altruistic. Their intent behind circumcision had nothing to do with a covenant with God, and these people would have obviously polluted the family given the most upright person among all the Hivites would defile a virgin. The dealing by Jacob's sons was dishonest, the hivites were immoral people, and Jacob was a puss for letting them act deceptively no less letting his daughter marry into the people.
Your charge of immorality comes from one accusation of defilement. But in the old testament, the rules about who can sleep with whom under what circumstances are not agreed upon between different cultures. This is starting to sound like The Game of Thrones R+L=J. Maybe she fell in love with the prince.
I interepret the story as her wanting to marry the prince, thus Jacob's aquiscence. The initial act was likely concenting. However, ultimately, it was Jacob that failed to watch over his daughter and permitted the circumstance to happen. The defilement accusation is my interepretation of the brothers' actions, not mine. There likely was also a percieved fundamental incompatibility between the groups, and offer to intermarry was only part of the ruse on the part of the brothers.
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