here are my thoughts from what I have read from your posts:
nostr is inherently an unreliable transmission medium, as notes may be rejected, reordered, delayed, or not delivered for a multitude of reasons and relays will be built with this assumption
the current design doesn’t implement any flow control or retransmission I believe, so this can be a problem
implementing another TCP like layer on top of nostr events is vulnerable to a meltdown, where the lower layer having losses causes delays in the upper layer causing retransmissions and more load on the lower layer
there is also the fact that nostr and IP have different service quality goals
on nostr latency can be in the seconds, caching will exist and QoS can be applied for different events
IP has some loss and reordering tolerance, but it is expected that paths have mostly constant latency and throughput, and that path switches happen rarely