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Yes, this is very good. I've decided that X is also a form of procrastination as well, and I need to take an extended break from it as you have done, until I accomplish some urgent things. Often I say well I will just look at this or that but it turns into a few hours of scrolling.

I do seek out contrasting people to the extent that I seek out people at all. My method of late is, if I seek out people, it is for specific goals rather than just the generic "make friends". So for example I know people who like to take road trips and do photography. This is not for money, it's just a kind of idealistic artistic pursuit I guess.

And as for women, I don't approach them at all but sometimes women get sexually aggressive with me and then maybe I will respond. Several of these have been quite good-looking but they are never really looking for anything lasting as you well know.

For example, I recently met that tall chick and she both acted sexually aggressive and wanted to meet up for dance practice. I would be OK with this. But she looks like a mentally ill hoe and so far has been unreliable, so I remain skeptical. This is not just about hoes, either - people flake all the time, everywhere now. It's a feature of American society more and more since before Covid.

Another example of this is a friend of mine who wanted to start a podcast. I was willing, but it never went anywhere. We never got to step one. This is why I think it's a bigger, collective problem as to whether anything much can be accomplished collaboratively in our kind of society. Sure, women flake in particular, but it's part of a wider trend also.

So far, and sad as it is to say, but my experience is "transactional relationships" have worked best in our time. Why? I guess because expectations are in line with what actually happens when money is involved. For example, if I go to the dance studio then I at least (in theory) get what I pay for. That hour of material will be covered, guaranteed. Unless literally no one shows up. That hasn't happened except for a few of the lesser attended classes.

This kind of thing is both a voluntary social organization and a business. Things can actually get done in that context. Getting people to commit to something creative outside of that context is a much riskier proposition nowadays. Social atomization is complete. And I'm not judging - we all put ourselves first.

It's just an interesting situation - without certain incentives nothing really gets done in this country and there's always some excuse (I'm married and have to spend time with the wife, I have work in the morning, I am too busy, etc). If money doesn't change hands, nobody is showing up. In some ways it's remarkable that the engine of commerce still runs with how lackadaisical everyone is about everything.

Truly images of a civilization in decline.

Dissident Sound 5mo ago

before addressing your post something i forgot to mention. ( i will address your post in a separate reply )

Alan Watt ( who is now dead ) of cuttingthroughthematrix.com once mentioned on his radio show that elites have studied this and found that a person can deal with at most 3 crises at the same time. any more than this and the person falls apart.

now imagine you're dealing with some crisis ( you can't pay the rent ) and you call your mother to borrow some money ...

this is NOT what happened, actually i fought with my mother because she asked me for an extension cable for her laptop but there was miscommunication about what kind of cable and i just remembered how dumb my mother is and how much i hate her and i lashed out at her and then seconds later i realized that actually she correctly described what she needed and it was me who mis-interpreted it and then i told her not to visit over the weekend and instead just spent the weekend in bed trying to figure out why i lost my shit over nothing and how i can make sure it doesn't happen again ... i will not share the conclusions of my introspective investigation LOL

but let's say you're calling your mother to borrow some money so you can pay rent, and then your mother starts talking about what kind of loser you are for being broke and that reminds you how much you hate your mother because you were neglected as a child etc ...

now suddenly in addition to the crisis of not having money to pay rent you're also dealing with an internal crisis where you hate your mother but are forced to listen to her shit ... now you're up to 2 crises out of 3 max ...

you accumulate enough of these internal unresolved issues and something could push you over the 3 max crises limit where you pick up an AR-15 and go shoot up a school ...

people put off money towards a rainy day and that's smart, but you also have to put off space in your mind for any kind of unexpected crisis.

i really felt the pinch when i was in Florida last year when it was still recovering from one hurricane while simultaneously preparing for the next and everything was out - no rental cars, no hotel rooms, no gas, no plane tickets and a hurricane about to hit the EXACT location where i was at head on, and my hotel informed me that i couldn't extend my stay because they were all booked so i had to leave while also not being able to leave at the same time ( no gas, no plane tickets etc. ) my realtor said i should go to one of the unfinished homes ( that aren't locked ) that we toured and stay there and added "and if you get arrested you will be safe in prison"

at that point i literally felt like this is it - i am in a situation without any exit - i am fucked - but i didn't break down and by some miracle was able to get gas ( i called like 20 different gas stations and one had gas and after standing in line for a while i got a full tank ). also after calling the rental company ( which previously said i can't leave the state ) they said that because of the hurricane they will waive the restriction and i was allowed to leave. so in the end everything worked out but there was a point where it felt like the walls were closing in. like i wasn't getting out of that situation. but again, i didn't break down and everything got fully resolved.

but now imagine a perfect storm of bad luck like this except you were already at the limit of your capacity to deal with shit because of all the unresolved internal conflicts, plus maybe you are with your cheating GF and her black kids - you're just going to beat them all to death then blow your brains out.

so the solution is to stay light. don't carry baggage. resolve internal conflicts by accepting difficult realities and end relationships that are weighing you down. if you aren't weighed down by shit in your daily life you have reserve capacity to deal extra-ordinary BS like a natural disaster or some medical nightmare etc.

i think this "stay light" principle can be applied to many things - from not accumulating literal stuff ( like my 3,000 SQ FT basement full of "stuff" that is like a boat anchor on my neck ), to not accumulating recurring expenses like car lease, mortgage etc. to staying out of toxic relationships, to not carrying around psychological trauma etc.

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