Bro, I’m a professional dad, hold my beer.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

She looked surprised.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at the playground? They woke up.

You didn’t say no ChatGpt 😆

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

Ten.

Ten tickles.

(Said aloud is betterer)

A man goes into the doctor and says "I think I have hearing problems!”

Doctor: Can you describe the symptoms?

Man: Sure! Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!

Did you know that the guy who invented the door knocker won a nobel prize...?

Where did captain hook get his hook?

At a second hand store.

I love my furniture. My recliner and I go way back

I thought it was a booger but it's not. (say it quickly out loud)