Bill Hicks: The Alt-Coin Apocalypse

“You know, folks, I’ve been watching this circus they call ‘crypto.’ Yeah, #crypto. What a cute little name for a financial freak show. It’s like if Wall Street and a Vegas casino had a baby and then immediately abandoned it in a Chuck E. Cheese.”

“And you’ve got these degens—oh, I’m sorry, ‘investors’—running around, throwing their life savings at DogShitCoin, ShibaDildo, and whatever other cartoon characters they’ve decided are worth millions of dollars today. Meanwhile, Bitcoin’s just sitting there, the goddamn Mona Lisa of money, and you’re all like, ‘Nah, I think I’ll put my paycheck on this JPEG of a frog smoking a blunt.’ Genius!”

“But here’s the best part: They don’t even call it gambling anymore. No, no, no! It’s ’trading.’ Because nothing screams financial genius like staying up until 4 a.m. on Binance Futures, leveraged 50x, betting your rent money on whether a coin called ‘FartRocket’ is going to pump or dump. Spoiler alert: It’s going to dump. Like your bank account. Like your dignity.”

“And then they cry. Oh, the tears! ‘I was a millionaire yesterday! What happened?!’ I’ll tell you what happened: You didn’t listen. #Bitcoin doesn’t care about your feelings, your altcoins, or your moon-boy dreams. It just sits there, like a silent Zen master, saying, ‘Come back when you’re ready to stop being an idiot.’”

“Meanwhile, Bitcoiners—real Bitcoiners—are just stacking sats, quietly, while you morons are out there swapping your #Ethereum for whatever coin Paris Hilton tweeted about this week. Newsflash: The #revolution isn’t happening in the metaverse. It’s happening one block at a time, and you’re too busy gambling to notice.”

“But hey, it’s your money. Waste it however you want. Just don’t come crying to me when the bubble pops, and all you’re left with is a digital graveyard of shitcoins and regrets. You could’ve had sound #money, but you went with ‘MagicRainbowUnicorn.’ Nice work, champ. Real visionary stuff.”

“#Bitcoin doesn’t need you, man. It’s the Terminator of money: relentless, unstoppable, inevitable. And here you are, betting against it. You’re not ‘trading,’ you’re playing Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun.”

“So enjoy your alt-season, folks. I’ll be here, stacking #Bitcoin, watching the world burn, and laughing my ass off when your ‘investment’ goes to zero. Goodnight!”

#billhicks #aigenerated