"Every way of living life is meaningful and beautiful."
What if someone's way of living life is to kidnap and eat other people? What if he "loves" doing so? After all, in your world view, the nebulous concept of "love" is all that matters.
Your quality of life will continue to degrade if you do not wake up to the fact that not all value systems are equal.
Morals are not subjective. You will continue having to adopt these retarded and degenerate world views to cope, like being a "queer muslim", but when they collapse, it will probably be too late for you