You'd pay on writing, not reading, right?

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Yup. Most (if not all) paied relays are free to read.

And there is no chatter between relays at all. There are some ways to get one relay to push info to another but thats not default behaivior. (Blastr is a good example of this) IMO its better that way.

How do you decide what relay to follow? It's a pretty impactful decision then