we need more information!
Discussion
Long term relationship, have been growing apart, some differences in values and habits which would be difficult to overcome in marriage but also a lot of shared history which is hard to let go of.
TLDR: I want her to stop smoking/vaping as much, work less and move towards marriage and family but I haven't been making enough time and energy for her and both of our efforts have felt unreciprocated.
Asking advice from people online is hella lame, but you all have a lot of valuable life experience.
Relationships need to be intentional to work. Every day you have to prioritize your union and do things that move your family forward.
If you both want to be each other's family, you can make anything work. Try to start prioritizing it and openly communicating on how you can compromise on what life together looks time.
But if all of that sounds exhausting and not hopeful maybe you want to move on. And that's okay too.
Grand sweeping gesture is building a house on sand. A more solid foundation: be the version of yourself that commands respect and leads by example.
Do this without measuring your success by her approval, and be prepared to go without her if she doesn't choose to follow.
This is very true. Unfortunately, I've blown that a few times in the past.
Our relationship with money is also a bit difficult.
I've been very part time since I quit my fiat job and have been prioritizing finsihing school, and even though I'm very well off for my age, a lot of my behavior over the past three months has been lazy and boring since it consists of being home and conserving money. It makes me feel like a bad man and I know she picks up on that.
She currently works much harder and more frequently then I do, and some of that is due to circumstances she can control, but some of that was also because she was supporting family and I didn't know about it.
You're right about leading and being the best version of myself. I will strive to do this. Thank you for your support.