I think there are two different meanings of centralized that have different implications.

On the one hand, you have massive centralized clearing houses like Telegram/Discord. On the other hand, you have a central coordinator for a specific activity.

In the olden days of the LAN party, the host’s hub was a centralized coordinator. Compared to say, Blizzard running massive WoW servers.

A centralized coordinator (in the small, ephemeral sense, like Matrix) solves for the N^2 link growth of true E2E peer-to-peer.

Agreed that massive, centralized service providers are undesirable for secure, private communications.

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My main beef with discord is censorship. You have a community of a thousand people, someone posts a politically incorrect meme, someone else reports it and the whole community is deleted. I know an organization that has this experience three times already.

With these centralized entities you have no control over what you build - building communities is an effort.