> Unfortunately, running my own channel isn’t an option I’d consider

Well, I think you should reconsider. It's as simple as click one button. After that, you won't have to do anything.

Zeus, Phoenix, Blixt, probably others, all have one click LSP channel setups. You click button, wait a few minutes, start zapping. They are set and forgot.

You're not running a public routing node. Public routing nodes have very different channel setups that require constant maintenance and rebalancing and you'd have to be insane to want to run one of them. Only Bitcoin Maxi's that are into self flagellation run public routing nodes.

You'll be using a private, non-routing non-custodial wallet on a phone. They're really simple to use.