Summary of 2024: Lost my gallbladder, watched Chicago sports teams lose like losing was going out of style, lost my country—again—to Trumpenvolk horses***.

On the upside, I went an entire holiday season without once having had to hear Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas is (Pathetic, Pitiful, Not Worth a Damned Thing) You” in a Starbucks, so I guess that is something.

I trust that my gallbladder will get a pretty lady to kiss it at midnight. The thing had rizz.