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Our village has such a plague of aggressive slugs that they're starting to slime into the house and the cars and up the walls.

They slime up the bushes and eat the raspberries 1 meter up. No joke.

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Not sure if you are talking about actual slugs, or if it's a euphemism for something else

Literal slugs

Still not sure. The literal meaning of "literal" had literally changed.

😅

Make a federation and sell only real food.

You do NOT have a slug problem.

You have a "lack of duck" problem.

Some of our neighbors have ducks, but this house is rented.

That's a bummer. Two of them would finish a search and destroy mission in a couple of days.

Sounds as if you need to put down some salt.