Okay, story time about boobies:

When I was 18, I had a girlfriend with big boobs. She was sexy as hell but there was no emotional intelligence or passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life.

So In college I dated every passionate girl I could find, but they were too emotional. Either Everything was an emergency; or they cried all the time. One of them even threatened suicide more than once…

-So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

Eventually I found a stable girl but she was boring… She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything.

-Life became so dull that I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.

After a while I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad, impetuous things and made me miserable as often as she made me happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless.

-So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

Having figured out so much in life I was lucky enough that found a smart, ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her.

-She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

Now I am older…

—and hopefully much wiser so I am looking for a girl with big boobs.

🧡👊🏻🤷‍♂️