at first I thought this means that you get a good lawyer. But, now I suspect that it’s your way to say that you are a fool.

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That's exactly right.

Also, if a lawyer testifies against their client, that testimony usually has to be thrown out. But if YOU testify against yourself, even by accident then that's tough luck skill issue see ya later bozo.

πŸ€” is it possible to appoint a witness to be your lawyer against his will?

God damn, forget jury tampering, bro just invented lawyer tampering