> irrelevant transactions are spam
The definition of "spam" here would be "you send me megabytes of data where I only care about (at most) few bits of information".
In this case the data I'm interested in is "how much btc can I spend, can anyone else spend it and if so who, and what is the total supply of bitcoin". The daily updates of information can be encoded in a lot fewer than the 300MB we expect from a day's worth of blocks. Unfortunately we don't currently have a way of doing that encoding that doesn't allow cheating, so to run a node we have to accept and store a large amount of data that we don't really want.
That is something that attackers/scammers do exploit: you were even around for the 2015 stress tests that flooded the mempool and filled up blocks, and were not done for any underlying transfer of value, not even the de minimis value in selling a random memecoin.
There's no meaningful difference between data spam and transfer spam's effect on your node - you have to validate both, and both take up roughly the same capacity requirement (data can take up more bandwidth and disk per week, though not if encoded via an op_return; transfer validation required more cpu/processing time). There's also no difference between transfer spam and real transactions.
If either of those are causing actual problems, then those problems will reoccur with real transaction load, so need to be fixed independent of whether the current cause is spam or not. We've fixed one set of such problems during the 2015 stress tests and another early in the inscriptions fad, but I don't think there are any known issues remaining.
I realise it's not pleasant to put something you hate (data spam) and something you like (other people using bitcoin as a MoE) into the same category, but as far as technical impact on your node's operation, they really are fundamentally the same, affecting your node in the same way, subject to the same global limits, impacting the same global marketplace in the same way (ie the blockspace fee market), having the same solution (move the substance off chain so you're mostly not subject to the limits or fees; eg via lightning).
I'm not saying this to get you to agree on this point, by the way, just to explain my views on this topic at the fundamental level, before getting into the economic details or the technical ones. You've accused devs of both bullying you and avoiding discussing the fundamentals.
Your claim that "failing to continually deprioritise things I dislike is actually the same prioritising them" isn't a reasonable use of those words. Ceasing to forbid/discourage something isn't the same as encouraging it, and the continued implication that this is all about devs wanting to encourage spam continues to be unappreciated, unfair and incorrect.