Narcissistic abuse is so hard on the sould and mind hey. It can be really tricky to create enough space in your heart and mind to hold love for yourself and gratitude for the good things whilst also having space for the pain. I am finding that the pain from the narcissistic abuse becomes less severe once I start to appreciate that the narcissistic abusers were taught this behaviour from other narccisistic abusers... Narcissists have very insecure cores. The relief for me seems to come from really sitting with this notion of a repetitive cycle that we can break. You are doing it by talking about it. The behaviour I regret was taught to me by someone who was taught by someone else... The cycle can be broken. There are great things to be here for, even though it is not obvious when we are in so much pain.