I'm a recovering idealist. I've habitually, and impossibly, lived against a projection of my ideal self. This was deliberate. Doing so allowed me to deflect responsibility for my own improvement. As in, if I can't achieve it, why bother?

This led to hardship and, eventually, the adoption of a new outlook. Acceptance. You can't ascend without a foothold. And finding that point of contact requires looking at where you are, not where you think you aught to be.