best of:

> “i'm queer and all but when my boyfriend sticks his tongue in another guy’s mouth before kissing me first, that’s a no go”

> “it’s an open relationship for sure but it’s not my fault I change the definition of open on a whim”

> “if i don’t now what he’s up to all weekend he might just as well be dead and I’ll look for another partner”

Went on like that for half an hour until I noticed I had spare in-ears in my backpack.