THE "WE PAY IN BTC" LIE (UNMASKED)

MicroStrategy "Pioneering Bitcoin payroll!" Optional, custodial, USD-taxed.

Strike "Paid in Bitcoin!" Same as above—just with extra Lightning glitter.

Coinbase "Crypto salaries!" You get IOUs that they can freeze anytime.

WHY NOBODY TRULY PAYS IN BITCOIN

Legal Cowardice: Fear of IRS/regulatory backlash.

Fiat Brainrot: Can’t imagine pricing labor in sats (not USD).

Custodial Control: They need to keep employees dependent on their platforms.

HOW YOU’D REALLY DO IT (IF YOU WEREN’T A POSER)

✅ Employment Contract: *"50,000 sats/hour, paid hourly via Lightning."*

✅ Non-Custodial: Keys handed directly (or LN invoices only).

✅ Tax Strategy: Barter accounting (no USD conversion).

(Spoiler: Zero ‘Bitcoin companies’ do this—because they’re still fiat-pilled.)

These clowns aren’t building a Bitcoin economy—they’re preserving the old one with orange paint.

#FiatPayrollsInDisguise

#RealBitcoinersDontNeedHR

P.S. Next time a CEO brags "We pay in Bitcoin!", ask:

"Cool. Show me one employee who’s never touched a dollar."

...then watch the backpedaling. 😏