I think Niel here is working on the answer you’re looking for. I’m of a different opinion on this one. Relays are just like clients: as long as they’re light and easy enough for common folks to run, I have zero issues with them.
I do prefer some separation between client and relay (i.e. I think the Nostr model is better than ActivityPub on this front, and I’m not a huge fan of things like Ditto; even though I admit Ditto is how I first heard about Nostr).
However, if relays are absorbing some of the complexity, that should make things simpler for clients not just in theory but in practice. That’s not really what I’m seeing with some NIPs. Still, it’s early days, and I’ll keep experimenting until something works for communities. So far, I know that closed, auth relays work well for communities, but I’m also bullish on at least three different alternatives with varying degrees of dependency on specialised relays and backend components.