to clarify something, some people have referred to what has happened between the few Hired Guns (not by me, but by a gang of weird perverts) and me to be acts of rape because there is no such thing as consent when the setup is rigged.

all I can say is that it's actually sex trafficking, and the term 'rape' defines the act of intercourse in light of the trafficking. if a man is compelled to have pursue a woman and entice her into having sex with him so he can humiliate her, mistreat her, subject her to some level of distress, or whatever, then yeah, that is sex trafficking.

but a powerful man using a less powerful man for this purpose is when it gets sticky, because the more powerful man is essentially sex trafficking both parties for his own exploitative gain. women can also participate in these situations, too, and I would never disregard that fact.

I will say that even if "I liked this one" as my media stalker put it, that the whole thing is being puppeteered by outside forces was scary to both of us. I also can't imagine how distressing it was for the man who intends to marry me to witness my seemingly nonchalant levels of compliance.

tbh, I am literally just very tired of waiting for all of this bullshit to be over so we can be together. he more or less seems to have accepted the infidelity on account of making things feel a little more equal. and yes, it did change things, but in a perfect world, none of this would even be an issue because I'm not that kind of woman to begin with.

I don't need to settle the score like that, I just need a man who values loyalty and fidelity, not just because the world is watching us, but because I mean the world to him and he has no intention of giving that up for a fling.

that's when you know that you are already married in your hearts and the rest is just paperwork and event planning.