Let me share something that happened to me recently—hopefully someone can learn something from it.

First, a bit of background to help set the stage:

Because work is hard and making money is difficult, many men in China today have developed a certain mindset—they hope to find a wealthy woman to support them, so they don’t have to work so hard. Chinese women are generally aware of this mindset among men.

Now for the story:

I often go to a particular coffee shop, and I’ve become quite familiar with one of the ladies who works there. She often asks me, “Not working today?”

I usually reply playfully with a line from the Hong Kong movie King of Comedy: “I did go to work—if I didn’t, would you support me?”

One day, we ended up having a deeper conversation, and she told me she had thought I might be subtly testing her with that line under the guise of a joke. That really made me laugh.

Someone like me—so proud and determined—how could I possibly live off someone else?

That’s the end of the story.

So, what can we take away from it?

When we look at people, we must learn to distinguish between subjectivity and objectivity. If we want to be objective, we need evidence to support our judgments. We shouldn’t ignore individual differences just because something seems common.

If we judge others too subjectively, then if your heart is filled with darkness, everything you see will appear dark as well.