Narcissistic Personality Inventory

Do you remember when you used to fuck sixteen year olds, which is to say you were still in junior high and the dumbass girls in your class were all crazy about Michael Jacksoni, kept filling in those ridiculous self-made questionnaires and generally behaved like the vapid, daydreaming ditzes that immediately postpubescent girls are ?

Ok then, I suppose this quote might drive it all home :

200 celebrities, as defined as famous people who appeared on Loveline, were given the Narcissistic Personality Inventory and compared to 200 MBA students.

Guess what? Celebrities scored higher than MBA students. Big surprise.

But some interesting findings:

Female celebrities scored higher on every component than males, but especially high on exhibitionism, superiority, and vanity. (The other components are exploitativeness, authority, entitlement and self-sufficiency.)

Breaking the celebrities down according to "profession":

Reality TV stars had the highest scores, (most significantly in exploitativeness) followed by comedians and actors (close 3rd), then musicians.

The MBAs showed the opposite distribution: males were more narcissistic than females, especially entitlement and self-sufficiency.

Here's their results :

At which point I went "eh what the hey" and did the NPI for myself.

It came out Authority: 3.00 ; Self-Sufficiency: 3.00 ; Superiority: 1.00 ; Exhibitionism: 1.00 ; Exploitativeness: 5.00 ; Vanity: 0.00 ; Entitlement: 2.00 for a total of 15. With the caveat that binary choice on the "must pick one - pick the most applicable among the two even if not that applicable on its own" paradigm results in data that's not interpretable outside of that context (no, people don't like Obama - people just prefer Obama to that reanimated skeleton/lich that's McCain, otherwise Obama is still and always has been a poopyhead in EVERYONE's eyes), here are the individual responses :

A

B

1.

I have a natural talent for influencing people.

I am not good at influencing people.

2.

Modesty doesn't become me.

I am essentially a modest person.

3.

I would do almost anything on a dare.

I tend to be a fairly cautious person.

4.

When people compliment me I sometimes get embarrassed.

I know that I am good because everybody keeps telling me so.

5.

The thought of ruling the world frightens the hell out of me.

If I ruled the world it would be a better place.

6.

I can usually talk my way out of anything.

I try to accept the consequences of my behavior.

7.

I prefer to blend in with the crowd.

I like to be the center of attention.

8.

I will be a success.

I am not too concerned about success.

9.

I am no better or worse than most people.

I think I am a special person.

10.

I am not sure if I would make a good leader.

I see myself as a good leader.

11.

I am assertive.

I wish I were more assertive.

12.

I like to have authority over other people.

I don't mind following orders.

13.

I find it easy to manipulate people.

I don't like it when I find myself manipulating people.

14.

I insist upon getting the respect that is due me.

I usually get the respect that I deserve.

15.

I don't particularly like to show off my body.

I like to show off my body.

16.

I can read people like a book.

People are sometimes hard to understand.

17.

If I feel competent I am willing to take responsibility for making decisions.

I like to take responsibility for making decisions.

18.

I just want to be reasonably happy.

I want to amount to something in the eyes of the world.

19.

My body is nothing special.

I like to look at my body.

20.

I try not to be a show off.

I will usually show off if I get the chance.

21.

I always know what I am doing.

Sometimes I am not sure of what I am doing.

22.

I sometimes depend on people to get things done.

I rarely depend on anyone else to get things done.

23.

Sometimes I tell good stories.

Everybody likes to hear my stories.

24.

I expect a great deal from other people.

I like to do things for other people.

25.

I will never be satisfied until I get all that I deserve.

I take my satisfactions as they come.

26.

Compliments embarrass me.

I like to be complimented.

27.

I have a strong will to power.

Power for its own sake doesn't interest me.

28.

I don't care about new fads and fashions.

I like to start new fads and fashions.

29.

I like to look at myself in the mirror.

I am not particularly interested in looking at myself in the mirror.

30.

I really like to be the center of attention.

It makes me uncomfortable to be the center of attention.

31.

I can live my life in any way I want to.

People can't always live their lives in terms of what they want.

32.

Being an authority doesn't mean that much to me.

People always seem to recognize my authority.

33.

I would prefer to be a leader.

It makes little difference to me whether I am a leader or not.

34.

I am going to be a great person.

I hope I am going to be successful.

35.

People sometimes believe what I tell them.

I can make anybody believe anything I want them to.

36.

I am a born leader.

Leadership is a quality that takes a long time to develop.

37.

I wish somebody would someday write my biography.

I don't like people to pry into my life for any reason.

38.

I get upset when people don't notice how I look when I go out in public.

I don't mind blending into the crowd when I go out in public.

39

I am more capable than other people.

There is a lot that I can learn from other people.

40.

I am much like everybody else.

I am an extraordinary person.

I guess pretty disappointing, I'm not even good enough at it to make it as a celebrity. I will point out however that while my complete failure of vanity is perhaps unsurprising, at the very least the exhibitionism portion is more the failure of the test than my own. I know, by virtue of circumstances not exactly happenstantionary, a large pile of exhibitionist women ; none of these would, as far as I either heard or could conceive, describe or even think their body as "something special" in that sense. I share their view. Nevertheless, I am also a man who both enjoys and practices the fucking of slaves in public, and if the act of public copulation, both deliberate and unexceptional affords the practitioner a score of 1 in exhibitionism...

Let's just say I take a very reserved view of the proposition that the people who make up these tests have much of an inkling of the things they're purporting to discuss. On the continuum between immediately postpubescent girlie discussing matters of love and its immediately prepubescent bowdlerization, and scholar discussing matters of science, I would solidly place these fellows at a 1.0, on a scale going to no less than 10, and perhaps as high as a hundred.

So hooray for science, I guess.

———He did a Romanian tour at the time. [↩]

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Saturday, 17 October, Year 7 d.Tr.