dating in 2025 has its obstacles. the apps are… not ideal. endless swiping, half-hearted replies, conversations that go nowhere. i want something real — someone who’s actually showing up and looking for connection, not just killing time on their phone.
this year alone i’ve gone on **over 20 first dates**, and about **half were from the apps.** they’ve got their place — i’ve met some really cool people that way — but the amount of time it takes to filter through the noise can make dating feel like work when it should be a blast.
so i told myself to focus more on meeting people by doing things i actually enjoy (running clubs, hiking, cooking classes, etc.) and randomly approaching women i find attractive. but i was also determined to try the various singles events — even the ones that sounded a little hippy-dippy and completely out of my comfort zone. like **somatic dating.**
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## **what’s “the feels”?**
this event was run by a group called *the feels.* it’s basically an in-person, sensory-based version of speed dating built around presence, communication, and physical connection (without being weird… well, that’s the goal). each “match” combines a question with a short somatic exercise — eye contact, touch, breathing, etc. it’s meant to help you drop the act and actually feel something instead of just talk.
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## **how the night went**
the first half hour was an open bar and mingle. i saw a cute girl and immediately went to chat with her — just small talk, made her laugh. met some other girls, a couple guys too. since i had no idea how this worked, i was trying to at least introduce myself to all the girls i found attractive in case it helped my chances later.
then the structured part began: **20 guys, 20 girls, four matches** total throughout the night. everyone was arranged boy/girl/boy/girl and laid down (yes, weird) in a circle while the host talked about somatic connection. with eyes closed and without peeking, we were told to fumble our hands around and find the hands of the two people next to us.
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### **1. the random match**
the first match was the random girl to my left — bubbly, covered in glitter, face piercings everywhere. she’d done four other *the feels* events before. the exercise was staring into each other’s eyes for 3.5 minutes while classical music played, without speaking, then describing how that felt. weird, but oddly grounding. i wasn’t attracted to her, but we had a good conversation afterward. she was unique — kind of who i expected most people there to be like.
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### **2. men’s choice**
we walked in circles until we found someone to approach. (this meandering time between matches was actually weirder than the one-on-one time.) i saw the cute girl i’d talked to first turn down two guys, then we caught each other’s eyes and she nodded yes with a big smile. the question was about compassion — what it means, whether we are it. the somatic part was placing our hands on each other’s hearts while holding eye contact. surprisingly natural, not awkward.
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### **3. ladies’ choice**
before it started, the host said you *can* match with the same person — and my last match made a beeline straight for me, both of us laughing. i forgot the question, but i talked about my family. this time we sat on the floor, foreheads touching, hands tracing down each other’s arms. super weird, but really genuine. she whispered, “i need your number after this,” and i agreed. there was a strong connection.
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### **4. final round**
we both agreed to meet someone new. i matched with an attractive tall blonde woman who loved house music and raves. the question was how we handle transformative change. i told her i’d just kicked everyone out of my house (gave them until november) and would be living alone for the first time since college. i said i was excited for it... probably should’ve done it sooner. and that i handle tough transitions (and decisions) by going for long runs and throwing around heavy weights. our somatic part was a 3.5-minute hug. awkward at first, but afterward she said, “i haven’t been hugged in a very long time. that was really nice.” and it was. i should have asked for her number as well, but i didn't want match #2/#3 to see me getting it. that was a rookie move, to be honest.
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## **after the event**
afterwards, i grabbed a drink with match #2/#3 — we both felt a real connection. we went out a few times afterward. she marveled at how my date plans were “incredibly thoughtful," but sadly, for me, the spark from that first night didn’t quite carry over. she’s a really great person, just not the one for me. we just wanted different things out of life. it was definitely awkward telling her that right after she said our last date was her absolute “dream date.”
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## **final thoughts**
would i do somatic dating again? sure, why not! it pushed me way out of my comfort zone, but everyone there was *present* — no screens, no curated profiles, no pretending. just people trying to connect in real time.
honestly, i’ll keep trying things like this. i want to meet my future wife, and i’m fairly sure she’s not hiding behind a swipe button.
\#briantries
