It might be worth doing a deep dive into discerning between “pity” and “compassion” I see charity all too often coming from pity which is a top down, usually disempowering action towards the recipient. Compassion on the other hand can definitely include tough love so to speak and tends to be more altruistic. Pity often extends suffering where compassion often touches on doing hard choices to lessen suffering. That’s where I got to on it.