I think the Gossip/NIP-65 model works well here. Your relay list would be stored across many relays, including the "bootstrap" relays that the new client would check. Therefore, those bootstrap relays would tell the client what your list of relays are, and it can then check all those relays for your correct follow list.

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Isn’t the “bootstrap relay” originally what purple pages wanted to be? it was meant to be a relay just for looking people up

Yup! Relays like purplepag.es have to deal with much less server load because they only handle/accept event kinds

0 and 10002 which contain info about a users profile and the relays they send to.

So

using them as the built in bootstrap relays for a client won't overload

them as much as using "default relays" where everything is transmitted

to them.

That’s awesome! This should be a more well known pattern