Monero payments are zero confirmation if the merchant is into UX. Which means 5 to 10 seconds.

Now if the merchant doesn't understand zero confirmation or uses a payment service provider this can go up to 5 or even 10 minutes.

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Someone at HCPP (in 2019 IIRC) shared an app to try to double-spend UTXOs at the bar, with an almost 50/50 chance of succeeding. They did it only to demonstrate how bad of an idea it is to accept unconfirmed transactions as payment.

Not sure thats applicable to Monero but is interesting.

for small payments its probably still fine....?

Unconfirmed means unconfirmed. It is what it is.

I would be interested in an answer from a Monero dev.

BCH has DSP (double spending proofs) which make zero confirmation payments safe for merchants.

Any explanations of this?

The explanation is that "if the merchant is into UX", they're supposed to accept unconfirmed transactions as if they are confirmed. I.e. pretend they're confirmed for the sake of not having to wait until they are.