I understand how you feel.
I felt that way myself.
But when after 35 years of reading Buddhist, Hindu, Islamic, Atheist and humanistic nonsense in native languages and in English I found that I waisted a lot of time.
The question is, do you realize that you are choosing to ignore the light, embrace the darkness and allow others to dictate where you will spend eternity. The price has already been paid for your sin. You just need to believe in the one who did it. Jesus Christ shed his blood to pay for your sins.
Don't waist time. You are not that smart.
I certainly was not.
Your moral foundation is wet sand. It's only going to get worse. Satan wants you to be a loser.