Some chess jokes

Q: What did the chess player do when the tournament was stressing him out?

A: He took the knight off.

Q: Where do chess players go to trade their pieces?

A: The pawn shop.

Q: Why did it take Garry Kasparov so long to pass the salt at dinner?

A: Because the table had a checkered tablecloth.

Q: What does Arnold Schwarzenegger say at the start of a chess game?

A: “I’ll be Black.”

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent victories. After about an hour, the manager asked them to disperse.

“But why?” they asked.

“Because I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

In a park, people come across a man playing chess against a dog.

“What a clever dog!” they exclaim.

“No, no,” the man replies. “He’s not that clever — I’m winning three games to one.”

A chess master dies and later speaks to a friend from the afterlife.

“The good news,” he says, “is that Morphy, Lasker, Capablanca, Alekhine, Tal and Botvinnik are all here, and there are tournaments and blitz sessions going on all the time.”

“That’s wonderful,” says the friend. “What is the bad news?”

“You have Black against Capablanca on Saturday.”

Q: Why are artists so bad at chess?

A: Because they like to draw.

Q: Where do chess players go to learn the game?

A: Knight school.

Q: What did the chess player say to the waitress?

A: Check, please.

Two friends meet in the street.

F1: “My wife says that if I go to the chess match tomorrow, she will take the children and leave me.”

F2: “So, what is your plan?”

F1: “E4, as always.”