Jamie, baby, you painted yourself into a corner and need a way out. I got you. Ima write you an X-Twitter post you can copy/paste to fix your problem:

"In the past, I was critical of #bitcoin. Due diligence at #JPMorgan has led me to believe the Wild West days are over. Due to its stability, security, and sound-money qualities as a hard asset, when it comes to bitcoin...I'm in!"

That's it. Tweet that, all is forgiven, you're one of us. It will change your life.