no matter what people say, living well is the best revenge. I would not say that living at the White House drinking a lot of diet coke and eating like shit is living well. I would not say that living in a state of fear while being watched and tracked and handled is living well. being surrounded by people who never tell me the truth is not living well. never getting to travel independently is not living well.

in all honesty, aside from the joy of children, working your whole life away and never enjoying the fruit of your labor is not living well. at some point, it is necessary to just...stop.

personally, I can't be around people who are spiritually sick in that they fight all day about the same shit ad nauseum, have no outdoor hobbies, spend an enormous amount of time on computers, only care about business stuff, live in a little bubble where everybody has to be just like them.

I detest the labeling system of the autistics (no offense) because humans are far more interesting when they aren't qualified in someone's brain as a this or that. ok, whatever, I have my own opinions, but it's not in my nature to distance myself from humanity that way. the real adventures in life are not the ones in my head, or some fantasies about going to space, they're *out there* in the world, on this planet.

I hate being Homestuck and I don't like people who don't like the beach. isolation sucks. that's the life I'd have in the company of *those people* because they aren't really very free in a meaningful sense. it's sad to me how all of this idiocy is really just about ensuring I don't enjoy my life too much, cause there's work to do or because there's something to prove.

but I've never, and I do mean never, have been blind to this. it's why everything in my entire body and soul recoiled at the thought of being with someone whose life seems like a literal Shakespearean tragedy. I don't actually care about the cars or the rockets or the brain implants or the brand. truly, I have no desire or interest to participate in the social circle either.

there are moments where it all just seems like a hellscape and I would like this entire drama to end by being forgotten by *them*. on the app, it's all just endless, relentless fanfare and competition to enter into that club. I'm sorry but what about it is even enjoyable if you don't buy into the delusions of a man whose promise is to fix everything wrong with everyone but himself?

anyways, it was always a matter of "which one of these men actually believes in freedom?" and I'm not talking some autistic, minimized version of freedom, but freedom from appeasement, too. imo, somebody should explain that all I want is freedom from that mafia whose fascination and obsession would otherwise know no bounds without legal application. he framed it all wrong, imo, because he did not understand that a part of me is *happy* that nobody would let him just get away with it.

truly, all I could ever see myself having with that man is a life of misery. and his abuse of the system to stand in the way of my own dreams is a matter that I no longer wish to fight, save for receiving whatever compensation is due to me and having the assurance that this will never ever happen again. unfortunately, I'm not really sure what else the man might do to interfere with my personal life, so it's important to be with someone who is ultimately immune to all of it.

I have only believed that to be possible for one person, because I trust in his ability to evolve beyond his own ego. but actually, I have had to evolve past my own ego, too. like. if someone desires to take something from me, ok take it, but you cannot have me or my time or my joy in life. take the inspiration of the idea and do whatever you want but leave me alone. I won't worship what you worship and I don't want to impress the people you need to impress.

the rat race is over, not because of some capitulation but because I've already won and I know that. I was right about pretty much everything. all that has remained is just the redundancy of signals and counter signals and retorts. politics is literally the dumbest application of my intelligence and so is that entire "relationship of command".

I don't know what else to say except "it is finished" and "let the chips fall where they may".