Now that you mention it that’s a bit of why I lose it whenever that “Lost Kitten” song comes on. That stupid video of the girl, the memories, it just tickles this part of my mind that thinks about how I’m on the wrong course, all the missteps and screwups I’ve done, all the good things I’ve thrown away and easy routes I’d cheated

Regrets aren’t new, but the part that really gets me, the thought I’ve been running from for a while, is the possibility that I’m screwing up NOW by shacking up with an infertile woman that prevents me from building a family. Then I consider whether I’m vampirizing this young woman, blotting out “the best years of her life” in a way that will one day be cursed by her and her future “soul mate”. It’s just that fear that I’ve screwed up for so long my judgement can’t be trusted, I’m just self destructing while pretending I’m living right.

Scary stuff.