Sounds like you want Aegis, just without the option for folks to get access by paying. I believe Aegis allows you to manually whitelist npubs.

nostr:nprofile1qqsw9n8heusyq0el9f99tveg7r0rhcu9tznatuekxt764m78ymqu36cpz4mhxue69uhkvun9deejuat50phjummwv5hsz8rhwden5te0wfjkccte9e3xjarrda5kuurpwf4jucm0d5hsz9thwden5te0wfjkccte9e6hg7r09ehkuef0avzrjf can the option to pay for access be turned off in the .env or somewhere?

Not aware of any out there that will send an invite link.

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I looked at Aegis but couldn’t tell if it did. I could use a nip29 relays but limiting access is a must in this case.