# "Want Kidney Stones Fast? Experts Say 'Just Follow Your Dreams!'"

In an era where speed is everything, from fast food to fast fashion, it seems only natural that health trends would catch up, paving the way for the latest craze: rapid-onset kidney stones. That's right, in a world obsessed with getting things quickly, some are taking the fast track to medical phenomena, and the buzz is all about how to secure your very own kidney stones at record speed.

According to sources close to absolutely nobody with medical qualifications, the secret to acquiring these crystalline marvels in your renal system is simpler than you'd think. "It's all about dedication," says Dr. Pebble, a self-proclaimed kidney stone enthusiast and founder of the Fast Stones lifestyle movement. "Why wait for nature to take its course when you can take matters into your own hands and kidneys?"

Here are the top tips from the Fast Stones guidebook for anyone looking to join the stone-cold craze:

1. **Embrace the Salt**: Forget what you've heard about moderation. In the fast lane to kidney stonedom, sodium is your best friend. Season everything liberally—from your morning cereal to your midnight snack.

2. **Hydration is Overrated**: Water might be the essence of life, but in the race for renal recklessness, it's your adversary. Swap out those eight glasses of water a day for anything with caffeine or alcohol to ensure your kidneys are working overtime with minimal lubrication.

3. **Become a Protein Powerhouse**: If your diet hasn't threatened your kidneys yet, you're not trying hard enough. Animal proteins are the way to go, and the more, the merrier. Remember, your goal is to make your kidneys question your life choices.

4. **Veg Out on Oxalates**: Spinach, beets, and nuts aren't just for health nuts anymore. They're your go-to for oxalate overload, ensuring your kidneys have all the materials they need for stone construction.

5. **Exercise? Think Again**: Physical activity might prevent stones, but you're not here to prevent anything. Adopt a sedentary lifestyle to give your stones the serene environment they need to flourish.

Dr. Pebble concludes, "It's about pushing boundaries and exploring new frontiers of personal health. Plus, think of the stories you'll have for your grandkids!"

Of course, this groundbreaking approach to health "optimization" comes with its critics, primarily from the entire medical community, who unanimously agree that actively pursuing kidney stones is, in fact, a terrible idea. They stress that kidney stones can lead to severe pain, infections, and other kidney problems.

In a statement released by every health organization ever, experts remind the public that "Kidney stones are not a badge of honor but a sign that perhaps you should reconsider your life choices."

So, as the Fast Stones movement gains momentum, one thing is clear: when it comes to health trends, some stones are better left unturned.