the crazy thing is that he seemed more stunned that I did not pay attention when one of his someone else's was basically screaming for attention hoping I'd get jealous. why would I get jealous when there are like 5000 men hoping to hear their name called into the Sex With Me lottery?

I have lots of fans, apparently, and it's low key disturbing for even the Swifties. he wasn't a second choice because I didn't know I had all these options. and that's the problem: it was always just a Betting On Pussy racket. I'm not entirely sure how many forms of Nonviolent Diplomacy aka Birthday Presents are going to solve this, but I still do want my money and I do not want the strings or conditions.

I'm hearing whispers from the secret courts that this is being ruled in my favor, so start signing over some of your assets, fellas.