i think my expectations are just misaligned

seems the best solution for large video is indeed to open a computer, pay super high fee, manually upload compressed video, wait for processing, post to client

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Yes, the problem could simply be that you are loading enormous uncompressed MOV files instead of compressed MP4s.

A few ways around this:

Adobe Media Encoder - you can choose custom compression methods and even set a target file size

Online compression tools - some are free or have premium features like removal of watermarks

Believe it or not, one of the best compression tools is Twitter. Videos uploaded there are highly compressed but still manage to be decent quality. You have to use a third-party tool called savetwitter.net to download them, but what you’ll end up with is perfect to upload to Nostr, and works better than linking directly to videos on Twitter’s CDN.

This works well on Mac:

https://handbrake.fr

I’ve definitely used that before too, but mainly for ripping DVDs.

Works great for compressing videos and/or changing formats at varying resolutions.

Excellent, I’ll compare the results.

Yes, Handbreak is one of the best. Make sure to check, optimized for web, so it puts correct bits in the right places.