A fellow man of integrity I see 🤝

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haha. well, something else that was related to this was i stumbled on a source for some of the highest quality methamphetamine i have ever used in my life, and accidentally dosed a bit high on my first time using this new stuff.

this led to an experience of a hallucination of some kind of intangible mind-creature thing, like a parasite that was feeding on and living on my psychic energy, with a particular character. i saw it face on, for a moment, and locked on it long enough to get a vivid image, then i blinked and it slithered away like a cockroach exposed to light.

this felt like some kind of a confrontation with the forces involved in psychological manipulation techniques and how they live rent free inside your mind, and since then the kinds of relationships that i had previously been constantly getting caught in ceased permanently, and my vigilance against it has been high ever since.

i've done a lot of psychedelics and amphetamines over the years. meth, in particular, has had some rather strange effects i've observed involving memories, for years every time i dosed i'd get flashes of dream recall of this one dream over and over again that recurred a lot in my childhood and even again later.

in the dream there is a scene a bit like the final scenes of The Labyrinth where i'm walking through this "dump" sort of place, full of these rusty old metal skulls and i'm like sure that under my feet somewhere i'm going to step on a trigger plate and have them close on me.

then there is another scene where i am floating on some kind of boat, at first it's like a ship, but it's adrift in a canal surrounded by mangroves. then it becomes a raft, and i'm looking around at the water, sure there is crocodiles in there who might attack me.

this dream sequence almost consistently popped into my mind in the first hour or two almost every time i dosed for most of my mid 20s.

the theme, if you don't quite get it, relates to the hidden triggers that people have that cause them to judge you unfairly, and a sense of being alone in this awareness of the dangers in the waters (emotions) of myself and people.

btw, back then, i wrote this little text, that explains psychological manipulation techniques, i encoded it into a set of 9, and all of them use a word to describe them, as a mnemonic, starting with the letter C:

https://gist.github.com/mleku/ebc69873963c0f1c74729bac8a577796